The Last Time
by GloriousBlackout
Summary: Fili remembers the first time he ever held his brother while being forced to experience the last time.


**A/N This started out as a cute childhood story... I'm not entirely sure what happened. Regardless, I hope you enjoy :)**

_**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own The Hobbit.**_

* * *

_Fili remembered quite clearly the first time he ever held his brother. It remained one of his fondest memories, having survived the trials of time when so many others had faded from his mind into nothingness. _

_He had been told to wait outside while Dis gave birth and had spent the long hours of the day twiddling his thumbs and begging his uncle Thorin to see his mother – just for a moment. He had only been five years old; far too young to recognise the anxiety in Thorin's eyes as he tried to reassure his nephew, nor the hushed whispers that were exchanged by those tending to his mother. He later learned that his little brother had proven to be rather difficult even before he'd entered the world, but his younger self had simply been left in the dark regarding his mother's condition._

_Night fell and the pained cries from Dis's chambers finally ceased. Fili sat nervously on his bed and occasionally played with his wooden sword to pass the time. However he had been far too anxious to truly enjoy his childish games and his efforts to distract himself from his home's disturbing silence were hardly successful._

_It was hardly a surprise, then, that his first reaction to hearing someone emerge from his mother's chambers was to leap to his feet, wide-eyed and alert despite the late hour. Thorin appeared in the doorway seconds later, smiling fondly down at a tiny, squirming bundle in his arms before meeting his nephew's questioning gaze. It was the softest that Fili had ever seen him, but he ignored that notion and ran towards his uncle on pattering feet, gazing expectantly up at him. His curiosity over his new sibling was dwarfed only by his concern for his mother and, as if having sensed his nephew's thoughts, Thorin assured him that she was asleep but well._

_It was then that Fili held out his hands expectantly, an action which forced a light chuckle from his uncle, before the babe was lowered carefully into his waiting arms. Fili was vaguely aware of Thorin looming beside him – no doubt standing guard should he accidently drop his new brother – but that stopped mattering the minute he looked into wide, dark eyes for the first time. He was aware of how fragile the baby seemed in his arms so he held him close, cooing him in the way he'd seen adults treat other babies before. His brother seemed content for the best part of a minute before his tiny face scrunched up and he let out a surprisingly loud wail for one so small and that, Fili thought, would simply not do._

_He started to rock the baby gently, hushing him in the most comforting tone he could muster and holding out a finger for a tiny fist to grasp a hold of. It didn't take long for his baby brother to fall asleep, hand still gripping Fili's finger tightly. _

_Fili grinned and looked back up at his uncle, who had simply observed the brothers' first meeting without uttering a single word. Fili had asked if the child had been named, and upon hearing the answer his grin had simply widened._

"_Kili," he'd whispered softly, as if even the name alone was precious. It seemed fitting to him that his brother's name was rather like his own._

_He'd continued to rock the sleeping babe in his arms until his own exhaustion had threatened to overcome him, at which point Thorin had relieved him of his tiny burden and advised that he get some rest._

_It was only when he finally began to drift off that he became aware of the warmth spreading throughout his chest, and he made a silent promise to himself that he'd always protect his little brother._

* * *

Fili was once again holding his brother close to him, however under vastly different circumstances.

Outside their small hovel – which would provide shelter for perhaps a few minutes at most – he could hear the battle raging on as friend and foe fought and died around him. None of that mattered to him anymore though. He blocked out the hideous sounds of bloodshed as much as he could and concentrated on the precious being in his arms instead.

Kili was badly wounded, there was no denying that. Fili had tended to the smaller wounds as best he could given his unhelpful surroundings, but the arrow that had skewered his brother's stomach would not be so easily fixed. He'd refused to shed tears as he acknowledged this defeat. Kili deserved better than that from him. Instead he'd simply cradled the younger man in his arms as he had done on that first night, many moons ago.

"So this is it?" Kili's voice was barely above a whisper but Fili knew him well enough to recognise the disappointment and fear that laced his brother's tone. He composed himself before meeting Kili's gaze, swiping away a tear before it could slide down his grubby face and he felt his heart give a painful jolt as he realised just how glazed over his eyes had become.

"It would seem so," Fili finally admitted, biting his lip as the truth of this realisation pained him further. "I imagine I will be joining you sooner or later, brother."

Kili groaned weakly - from pain or his brother's words, it wasn't clear – before reaching for Fili's hand and squeezing it as tightly as he could. "I'd prefer if you made it later," he managed eventually with a small, sad smile. He paused slightly to gather breath before meeting Fili's gaze as fully as his exhaustion would let him. "You'll be living for the both of us from now on."

That was a truth that Fili did not want to comprehend. The thought of having to live on without his brother by his side was agonising, and he didn't think he'd be able to handle the knowledge that he'd failed so terribly. He still remembered the promise he'd made to himself on the night that Kili had been born and now he was being forced to watch as it was broken.

Fili resisted the urge to break down and instead gathered his brother closer to his chest so that he was able to stroke his dark hair and whisper comforting nothings into his ear. If the movement pained Kili, he gave no indication of it. He simply rested his head lazily against Fili's chest and closed his eyes to the sound of a strong heartbeat and his elder brother's voice.

Fili began talking of home – their childhood home in the Blue Mountains rather than the broken one they'd spent months trying to recover – and was rewarded with an occasional grunt, murmur or even a faint chuckle as he spoke. He reminded Kili of the time when they'd both managed to get themselves trapped up a tree and had had to be rescued by Thorin in the dead of night. He reminded him of the days when it was warm enough to go swimming in the lake and the games that they would play that had them facing up against imaginary monsters and their mother's barely hidden amusement every time they pulled off an elaborate prank. Every happy childhood memory he had stored away was poured out into that damp, claustrophobic space and somehow, he managed to bring a sense of home back to them.

Fili was aware that Kili had fallen asleep at some point and only then did he allow his own tears to fall, but he continued to talk. He kept talking until broken sobs interrupted the flow of words and his brother's chest finally stilled. Fili didn't want the illusion of home to melt away quite yet but it crumbled anyway, reminding him that he was in a barely concealed hovel in the middle of a battlefield and not in the familiar comfort of the Blue Mountains.

He realised that it was probably in his best interests to leave now as his presence was no longer necessary here. However, he could not bring himself to let go of his brother. That would imply that he'd abandoned him here for good, and he could never allow that.

So he held on, trying to convince himself that his brother was simply asleep and that they were safe.

He held on to his final piece of home.


End file.
